the tease of a smile.

i was gonna post a really loaded/emotional/hurt entry.
but seeing the crap sprouted on my tag board made me smile. hahaha.
u guys are unstoppable.
and you think i am lame. c'mon. i have been influenced.and i am blaming JARED for most of it.

but i do still need to vent out what i feel. cos at this point of time, talking to someone is going to be a waste of time.

oh i feel better now that i have a plan. at least i know what i am doing.

to cut to the chase. this is what happened.

after video editing, (that story, i gotta tell u some other time man)
i went to buy food for sis and bro in law and then went over and spent time with my darling rayn. i bought him another cute bodysuit. and this time i will put it on for him!

well then, by the time i got home, it was 11.20.
i was actually supposed to get home earlier have a nap and go. but too bad. i planned to get coffee to keep me going.

so since i didnt see the point in changing or whatever, i washed up and wore exactly what i wore to school to bukit merah mac. and i was quite dressed up yesterday.

so then by the time i organise and collate my stuff, it is time to catch the last bus. and so i say bye to my 2nd sis, who is doing an assignment(she is doing sports psychology) and i leave.

and then i get there, have a quick meal and start studying.

and then the monster strikes.

the zzz monster.

i eventually read national identity and ch 3 of 101. but i gave up. i was wayy too sleepy.

so i am sleeping in the cab, and i reach home at 3.10 am or something. ready to fall flat the moment i reach home.

and then my sis comes out of the room.

sis: where did you go at this time? (and if you recall, i actually said bye to her and she responded)

me:to mac, to study.

sis: why didn't you change?

me:i didn't wana waste time.

sis: are you sure you went to mac?why didn't you bring your laptop?

me:because i didn't want to be distracted by msn or whatever. (ideally, it would have been "because it is only in your fucked up world that it is compulsory to bring a laptop to gain entry to macdonalds")

sis:i called you, why didn't you answer?

me: oh, you called?(taking out hp)

sis: then?(that tone made my high blood pressure jump many many notches)

(me takes out hp)

sis: let me check your handphone.

jal thinks: what the fuck?!

(sis sees that i have really not even seen the calls as the hp says "2 missed calls". thank you nokia.)

check. check. check. nothing.

(jal goes to change, takes back her hp, switches off the lights, and does not feel like talking to her sis again)

so much for the drama. it really really hurt.
i am trying so fucking hard to manage. with school and my sis who just gave birth. i go there the most often, cos i know my sis needs help.

and i am so fucking tired everyday, but i know i need to study, and so i go off to mac, believing that place has some kinda magic since i did alright in my As.

and look what happens.

i am not a saint. i know i have misused their trust. but, when you know you didn't commit a crime, it is hard not to over-react.

i am so utterly upset by this.
but life goes on.