amazing

how long has it been? let me see?

1 and a half years.

that's an awfully long time.
i'm not in school anymore, life has changed, circumstances have changed.
maybe even my writing style has changed.

and more thing for sure, my audience has changed surely- bet nobody reads my blog anymore.

this would read like a private diary then. haha, if anything online can be considered private.

well, not exactly in the best of moods right now.
it's kinda mean to vent it on someone else- not something i've never done it before, at least not intentionally.

feels surprisingly relieving, no wonder so many people do it.

heh. well well, till time allows again.

jal

so many things to dooo

i woke up in high spirits today.
don't know why. maybe JUST BECAUSE it is a saturday. heh.
not like my week is very heavy, ANYWAY.

i had a weird dream though. it was super stressful.
because of an sms i read, i dreamt that i was going clubbing, but couldnt find the right thing to wear.
on the outset it might sound like a bimbo problem.
but the sense of urgency i felt in the dream.. yikes, it was like my life depended on it man!

haha.

I MISS DRIVING.

like really.

so in order to at least rent a car, i need to go replace my driving license. which at least isnt that ex. 25 bucks. but at ubi sia.

and i am experiencing a weird phenomenon. i am actually not broke.. but am damn damn scared to spend because i dont want to become broke.
the feeling sucked so bad the last time that i never wana get there again.
hate having to ask anyone for money, or my dad for more money.
especially now.

well anyway, i still need to buy gifts for people.
haha like really belated ones.

i am also EXPECTING a few belated gifts!
HMPH.

haha.

alright, till again then.

back2sch.

so here we begin, the last lap of this four-year journey that, in retrospect, feels like four months.

how fast and frivolously have i spent my moments in CS. gosh.

well, so, back to school it is.

lectures, friends, food, lectures. gossip- sometimes.
the things that have changed since yr 1! gosh. for one, i totally understand UEs and PEs and GER-PEs. that must count for something.

i am glad being back in school.

i am a student, and therefore, i will do stupid things.
heh, just for one more year.

then i will promise to become an adult, okay?

ha. toodles.

where are you?

you said to call if i need cheering up.

where

are

you?

haha.:)

memories.

they constrict.

home sweet home

it feels oh so great to have my laptop back in my arms!
haha, had no idea that i missed it so much mann.
school's gonna open so soon. and then time is gonna pass in a blur.

i am looking and not looking forward to it at the same time. it has been 8 months after all!
plus i have to make my matric card. i dont even know whether i really need to, since i graduate in a year.

ever since last dec, i havent had a wallet, just a pathetic purse to house my important cards and to hoard receipts. heh.
i do have a spare wallet, but it is white, how will i ever maintain it!

that reminds me. SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVENT GOTTEN ME GIFTS (ATTN AMIN AND CUTE AND NARJ)
you can get me a watch, and perfume.
thanks.

alright, i dont know why i am up really.
i am sleepy and i should sleep.
but i so love staying up late.

:)

toodles.

i..

miss you so.

and i know my sis is gonna ask me who i am talking about. haha.
bo privacy la. keke. :p

back from dhaka!

before i launch into my recount, i should say that i just did something that has left me.. well, ego-bashed? guess i should really really..well, stop thinking.

okay anyway, so wow. singapore, here. i. am.

i have been thinking of ways to put my thoughts about bangladesh in words, but the moment i think, i am consumed by an overwhelming feeling.
you could say that many things there were in excess: heat, dirt, population, noise, staring. and oh yes, the oil in their food.

when i got used to my surroundings, i was left with a dismal air of depression.
dhaka, the capital of dreams for those living in the villages. but the urbanisation there leaves much to be desired. albeit that was expected.

many colonial buildings as a ghost of their colonial pasts. the outsides belied the disastrous insides, seriously.

disorder, chaos.

shabby buildings.

but that's for the dreary part.
if you put aside all the men who stare at women as if they have three eyes and five noses, ok no wait, maybe as if they have 2 pairs of boobs, then there are the really nice accommodating people who spared time for us despite their busy schedules and went out of their way to make sure we got what we wanted.

while we were not treated like royalty or whatever, partly because we "immersed" in the population by living in a middle-class hotel in the heart of the capital, many people did go out of their way for us.

that was a pleasant feeling, but because i also experienced that in sri lanka, their warmth didnt come rushing at me. in fact, i was looking past it. and all i saw was sadness, and struggle. an absolute lack of happiness in the air.

in the village at sri lanka, people had little, plus they were affected by the tsunami, but they were happy. you could feel it.

here, people love their country, and some of them are optimistic beyond being realistic, but i felt the fatigue, the sadness. and by the 4th day of something, it started to weigh down on me.

traveling was in a nutshell a nightmare. took minimum 45 min to get from point A to B. no following traffic light signals. the only way to get anywhere by foot is jaywalking. haha, well cos of that i am a bold jaywalker now.

anyway, i am still coming to terms with my visit and my feelings, and at the end of it all, my stories and my purpose!

so here's till again.

jal